I Remember That Night

I remember,

I remember how it felt when they hurt you,

They put you in a kind of hell that took you from my arms,

They kept gnawing at the threads like the rats they are,

I remember,

I remember your heart shattering right in front of me,

They couldn't see what they did was wrong,

They said things that not only affected you but I as well,

They took my world from me that day,

They didn't take you physically but mentally,

By doing so they left me feeling like I wasn't good enough,

Left me feeling like I should not be with you,

Had me second guessing my abilities to be around a child,

Had me doubting I was a good person,

Had me believing that no one should be with me or around me,

I remember,

I remember that night where you didn't know if you could trust me,

That night for me was as awful,

I saw the life being drained from you, I saw your heart shatter into pieces,

That night was also the night I felt like I lost you,

Lost you not only by what they did but by my own insecurities,

They said things that made it difficult to let go ,

I may not have been their main target,

But they saw the opportunity to steal the belief I had for myself,

They believed someone's words that did not know me at all,

They chose to unknowingly kill the person I was for myself,

They were people that I was beginning to call family,

People I was becoming comfortable with,

They not only destroyed what you was,

But also destroyed the person I wanted to be,

My mind couldn't help me save you,

I watched you die,

I watched myself disappear,

Every time I tried to make sure you was still with me,

Every time I gotten you to eat,

I felt the need to do more,

I felt the more I did the more I'd have you back,

But my mind had split,

Split into too many ways,

I couldn't see where I was anymore,

I couldn't think clearly,

I didn't know what I had did wrong,

I didn't know what to do,

I didn't know who I could go to with my thoughts,

The one I usually went to was lost in the ocean of chaos,

She was not her,

She was different,

I wasn't sure if I should spill my thoughts on her,

Wasn't sure if she wanted to hear what was driving me mad,

But I still tried,

Tried to comfort her not knowing if she could feel me,

Tried showing her that I was still here,

When she pulled away I was crushed,

Not because she pulled away,

But because the warmth she usually gave was muffled in the gunk of pain,

My hurt I held in so I could take care of her,

That night killed two birds with one stone,

That night took away the good I saw in myself,

That night was the start of the strand downfall of who I once was and wanted be in a single swoop,

That night stole a piece of me that I don't think I'll ever get back,

I remember that night and wish it never happened,

That night hunts me,

I tried to erase it from my mind,

I tried to drop it several times,

I tried to talk it right out of my head,

I've even tried to understand why I was that piece that needed to do away with,

But nothing made sense or was thrown out,

It left with more questions,

Left me with more headaches,

Left me with anger,

Left me with pain,

Left me feeling I am not good enough as a person,

Not good enough as a girlfriend,

Not good enough as a friend,

Not good enough as a Godmother,

That night is burned in me like an ugly scar,

That night was the start of my downfall,

That night was the night the persecutors came to destroy what was left of TaNicca,

That night they managed to take over,

That night the battle began,

A battle that left the both of us no longer willing to keep trying,

I remember that night like it was yesterday,

That night I felt so lonely,

That night I lost my bestfriend,

That night I lost my family,

That night I lost myself,

I remember,

I REMEMBER!